


but see me burn with a smile

by jacobae



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, hyunjae centric, hyunjae thinks A Lot, milcob can be read platonically or romantically, read author notes before reading, strangers to partners in the apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27790042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacobae/pseuds/jacobae
Summary: But perhaps the sign of danger has already integrated itself into Hyunjae’s memory long before he called the sight of the sunset familiar.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31
Collections: Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	but see me burn with a smile

**Author's Note:**

> i joined diejungzfest as a self prompter!! 
> 
> **tw/cw:** blood, slightly graphic depictions of bones, mentions of violence, fights, combat, injuries, blood and trauma, and some of the stuff you'd expect from an apocalyptic au 
> 
> thank you to [yi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/huayuan) for beta reading this fic for me !!
> 
> title is from "pacman" by eaj

If he had a chance at another life, Hyunjae would consider it.

There were many times where the universe asked his soul if he was done living in the current vessel he controlled. Chances where he could’ve given up and allowed himself to be completely engulfed in the flames he brandished.

Choices were not given out so easily under these circumstances. Yet, for Hyunjae’s case, it was a little too simple. The number of battles he fought were starting to take a toll on the young man’s body. One mistake made on purpose and Hyunjae could finally let go.

Instead, he gazes towards his left, looking right into the ocean blue eyes of his companion.

“What is it?” Jacob asks rather bluntly. The cerulean waves in Jacob’s irises rest and all that’s left is the warm brown that the elder more usually possesses. “Creature gunk stuck in my hair?”

Hyunjae manages a short chuckle in response as he tries his best to will his breathing back to normal. Only after a few seconds pass, and when he can feel the flame in his own body die out, does he answer.

“Not that.” Hyunjae replies. He lets go of his sword with a languid flick of his wrist and watches as the metal fades into pure dust.

The brunette pauses, wondering if he should share his thoughts with Jacob. He forces himself to look up from the ground and back into Jacob’s eyes.

He doesn’t urge Hyunjae to continue, but waits if he chooses to.

Hyunjae feels his heart twist in a way he can’t describe, and decides to open his mouth. “I’ve noticed that the number of creatures we encounter are increasing.”

The white embellished bow Jacob wields moves from one hand to another, before finally fluttering into nothing. “I’m not surprised.” Jacob murmurs. If not for the eyebrows furrowing together on Jacob’s face, Hyunjae would believe the blonde.

Instead of pressing the latter with a meaningless question, the pair continue their walk.

And with the blockage in the path dealt with, their journey is once again silent.

Hyunjae looks up into the sky as Jacob’s shoulder barely brushes against his. He’s seen the sun descend into the horizon enough times to memorize the pattern of colours it creates in the sky.

Like always, the warm red seeps into the azure coloured sky, creating a breathtaking mixture of oranges, yellows and pinks in the sun’s descent. Hyunjae desperately sears the view into his eyes— desperate to cling onto something familiar.

Still, no matter how much Hyunjae tries to ignore the hints of grey invading the edges of his peripheral, the smoke will never disappear. But perhaps the sign of danger has already integrated itself into Hyunjae’s memory long before he called the sight of the sunset familiar.

If not, the previously perfect pathways, now left in broken tatters, are always a gentle reminder.

Everything has an end, Hyunjae distantly hears in the back of his head. For Earth, it came in the form of unnatural creatures, unable to be tamed by the arsenal the military raised. For the dead bodies in the previously empty fields, it was a futile attempt at breathing one last time while fighting against their demise.

For a short moment, the brunette wonders what his end will look like. Surprisingly, he hasn’t encountered it yet. Theoretically, it should be impossible for Hyunjae to still be alive with the number of creatures he faced. Still, Hyunjae stands. Tiredly, but standing nonetheless.

Some would call it a blessing that the people who encountered these creatures were able to survive a fight with one. Others see it as a glowing orb, barely the size of a tennis ball, that was filled with a fraction of the power of some gods in the universe Hyunjae lived in.

Hyunjae disagrees. A blessing does not cause eternal turmoil and haunting nightmares for the rest of his life. If anything, the red orb dangling off the side of his waist is a weighted reminder of his mistakes.

However, if not for the elemental powers he was given, Hyunjae may as well have called the empty fields of dead bodies his new home. Sometimes, he allows himself to be grateful for the strength bestowed in his hands. More often than not, he lets his regrets take over his thoughts for the day.

Despite his hatred, Hyunjae chooses to use it to help those who require it and for himself when he’s in danger. One time however, Hyunjae remembers one teenager muttering to themselves after Hyunjae and Jacob lent a helping hand.

That night, many nights before, Hyunjae entertained the idea of never getting sidetracked from their journey again. After he looked into the gentle eyes of his partner, Hyunjae chose against it.

Ignoring the jealous faces of the people he helps and the urge to prove them otherwise gets easier overtime anyway.

“Jacob.” Hyunjae hums, breaking the silence that blanketed the two.

The blonde raises his head from kicking pebbles and small pieces of broken concrete across what used to be the sidewalk. If Jacob was caught up in his own thoughts, the brunette would never know. Ever so enigmatic, Hyunjae thinks.

“Yeah?” Jacob replies.

Hyunjae takes a second to formulate the thoughts correctly in his head. Jacob silently waits, the only sound being the crunch of his own shoes against the broken pavement.

“Do you think we’ll get out of this alive?”

Jacob furrows his eyebrows, not expecting a question so suddenly. He tears his gaze away from Hyunjae for a moment, and Hyunjae does not blame him.

Even though he was the one who asked the question, Hyunjae isn’t sure about what he means. However, instead of pondering his own thought further, he waits for Jacob to come up with his own interpretation.

If Hyunjae notices the royal blue ocean in Jacob’s typically brown eyes start to stir when the blonde looks back at his face, Hyunjae makes no remark regarding such.

“Not at all.” The blonde finally answers. Jacob’s voice does not waver, but Hyunjae barely gets to wonder about what the man means by so.

“But isn’t that what surviving is all about, no?” Jacob asks, looking at Hyunjae with a slight quirk at the corner of his lips, effectively stopping any train of thought Hyunjae was about to have. “If I knew I’d be breathing by the time this all ends, I wouldn’t be walking here with you.”

Suddenly, the weight of Hyunjae’s vision makes its existence painfully aware. It knocks against his thigh softly as his feet keep moving, but Hyunjae can feel it grow warm, the heat it holds within getting stronger.

A grin makes its way onto Hyunjae’s face in response.

“I guess so.”

**————————**

_During the first few days, Hyunjae feels less and less of himself._

_The brunette expects nothing less from the end of the world. Still, it’s hard for Hyunjae to conceptualize the mess in his head. It feels too soon to call it an apocalypse, too soon to say it’s all coming to an end._

_The creatures that now inhabit their planet arrived a few sunsets ago, and the first time he saw one was on the news, when he still had a place to call home. He wished he would never have to encounter one, but fate doesn’t work like that when the world is about to fall apart._

_The sword that was given to him years ago appeared in his hands in a flash as he stood in front of the growling creature. His vision became dangerously hot, and Hyunjae doesn’t remember the rest._

_If he wasn’t careful enough, he’d end up walking around without an arm, and skin burnt off his legs._

_Maybe in another life, Hyunjae would still be able to live out his entire youth._

_**————————** _

On good nights, Hyunjae and Jacob find an abandoned building to rest while it’s dark. On great nights, they’ll stumble upon a vacant motel and crash there until the sun rises again.

On nights like these however, a simple, empty alleyway will suffice. 

The pair walk into the compact space shoulder to shoulder, going in far enough to block the midnight wind, but careful to keep their distance closer to the exit of the alley; a silent agreement between the two ever since the first night they chose to rest in an alleyway, and an agreement they’ll stick with, just in case. 

Hyunjae never liked going too far into the darkness anyway. 

Jacob crouches down and takes a blanket out from his backpack. “Do you want to sleep first?” Jacob asks, not looking up at the brunette until the dark blue fabric is laid out properly.

Hyunjae almost laughs, because shortly after the question is asked, Jacob tries to stop a yawn from escaping his lips. He keeps the chuckle to himself, but fails to keep the amusement off his face as a small smile replaces his previous expression. 

The question is rhetorical but Hyunjae answers anyway. “I’ll watch first,” Hyunjae’s smile gets a little wider when Jacob furrows his eyebrows together and a ghost of a pout appears on the blonde’s lips. 

“You watched first yesterday though.” Jacob reasons, a mix between guilt and pity starting to colour his face.

“It’s fine, I promise.” Hyunjae hums, crouching down to Jacob’s level so he can finally rest his body. Immediately, a groan escapes Hyunjae’s mouth and the exhaustion in his muscles make themselves present. Unfortunately, the brick wall behind his back is cold, but both the brunette and the blonde have experienced colder. 

Jacob’s exasperated expression doesn’t disappear; if anything, deepens.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll wake you up earlier than usual.” Lying is easy, but it was a terrible one at that— both of them know that Hyunjae would never wake Jacob early to take his position of keeping an eye out for danger while the other rested— but Hyunjae told it regardless, hoping it’d ease his companion’s mind just a little.

Jacob’s eyebrows furrow for a little longer, and Hyunjae starts to think that the blonde will call him out on his blatant lie and force him to sleep first. However, a sigh escapes Jacob’s lips and simply sits down next to Hyunjae, taking the compromise as is. 

The two situate themselves so Hyunjae is closer to the exit, and Jacob is resting his head on Hyunjae’s shoulder. Unfortunately, the blanket does nothing to make the pavement more comfortable to rest on. They kept it around for the colder months, but now that it’s warmer, they simply use it to keep their clothes clean.

The blonde strands on Jacob’s head barely tickle Hyunjae’s neck anymore, and he simply watches as Jacob puts his hands in his lap. 

“Night,” Jacob drowsily mumbles into the air near Hyunjae’s cheek. The brunette doesn’t respond, but instead stretches his arm that’s stuck in between their bodies and places it onto Jacob’s thigh. 

If Hyunjae concentrates hard enough, he could hear the quiet chirping of birds flying back south, and maybe even the silent screams of other living beings still alive on their earth fighting for their survival. 

Before, the mundane sounds coming from his environment were simply just there, living amongst him. Now, they are a reminder of his survival. _He’s alive, he’s breathing, he’s okay._

At least for now, Hyunjae thinks, but he’s perfectly okay with ‘for now’. 

He tears his gaze away from the wall in front of him and looks to his side. The weight of the blonde’s head on his shoulder almost feels like nothing, most likely shifting his weight to the walls of the alleyway instead of Hyunjae’s shoulder. If Hyunjae wasn’t focusing at the way Jacob’s eyelashes flutter as he was falling asleep, Hyunjae would think he had fallen off his shoulder. 

The hand previously placed on Jacob’s thigh finds its way into Jacob’s hand, and just barely squeezes the other man’s hand. 

The blonde’s skin is rough to the touch. Months of survival and battles have left calluses and uneven patches over the blonde’s hand. Yet, Hyunjae finds comfort in the warmth regardless and tangles his fingers with the other man’s. 

It’s surprisingly intimate for the apocalypse, Hyunjae thinks. 

If Jacob falls asleep on his shoulder right away, Hyunjae would believe it and simply pretend the gentle squeeze he feels was purely mental exhaustion creating delusions in his head.

In the meantime, Hyunjae counts the stars in the sky.

**————————**

_If there’s one thing Hyunjae hates the most, it's the sound of bones cracking._

_The sight of blood and deep gashes were always something Hyunjae could handle. It made it easy to tend to his own wounds. However, he couldn’t stand the noise of knuckles cracking and joints being popped back into place._

_Overtime, it got better. Ignoring the sound became easier and easier as he got older, and excluding the occasional cringe when his friends would purposely crack their fingers in front of him, Hyunjae was fine._

_Still, nothing in the entire world could prepare him for the sickening crunch of his own parents’ bodies getting thrown against a concrete wall. A concrete wall Hyunjae used to call his home._

_The sound haunted him for months and pure spite was the only thing keeping him alive. Everytime Hyunjae closed his eyes, the piercing screams of his mother and father would ring throughout his head. Everytime he opened them, he’d kill another creature with his blade._

_Maybe if he hadn’t stood there and watched. Maybe if he used the powers he was given to stop the creature from laying its claws onto the people Hyunjae cherished the most. Maybe if-_

_Hyunjae closes his eyes once more as the sight replays itself over and over again._

_Maybe if it was him instead._

**————————**

Hyunjae met Jacob by coincidence. ****

He remembers walking, travelling aimlessly to stay alive. Until one day, he saw brilliant blue streaks pierce through a creature further up on the path. ****

It was surprising to see another human— especially one wielding a vision. He stood there, memorized by the young stranger hopping from boulder to boulder with an agility Hyunjae didn’t know was possible to possess. Once they were far enough, they’d shoot an arrow and a straight, teal beam would slice through the creature’s neck. ****

Hyunjae slowly walked towards the fight, fingers itching to summon his weapon to help the fight. However, he kept his hands glued to his side, his own selfish want to watch the fight keeping him from bolting towards the battle. ****

The ocean blue water contrasted the grey, colourless background. It felt like watching the process of making a painting come to life. ****

Only when the stranger faltered and miscalculated his next jump did Hyunjae come to his senses. ****

Hyunjae ran up to the fight and felt the familiar weight of his sword resting in his right hand. The edges of his vision turned red for a brief second, and in the next, a hot flame surrounded the length of his weapon. ****

Surprisingly, the creature was too focused on the stranger to hear the incoming footsteps. The stranger themselves however, noticed the figure running towards them. Hyunjae ignored whatever facial expression the stranger had on and readied his sword. He swung around to gain momentum and drove his sword straight into the weak spot of the creature. ****

Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to kill the creature completely. But Hyunjae accomplished as much as he intended to. ****

With the creature stumbling forward from the blow of Hyunjae’s sudden attack, it gave the stranger the short window of time to get back onto his feet. Before the creature could even turn around to see what struck him, an arrow went straight through its body. ****

Hyunjae could feel the water from the arrow just barely missing his ear, but paid no attention to it. Instead, he let the hand holding his sword drop to his side as the creature fell over and dissipated into nothing. ****

“Why are you on fire?” Hyunjae muses out loud after reminiscing about the past. ****

Jacob raises an eyebrow in response. “Pardon?” The blonde asked, causing Hyunjae to let out a little laugh. ****

He brings his hand up from his side to wave Jacob’s confused expression away. It doesn’t. If anything, it makes Jacob more confused than he was at first. ****

“It’s the first thing you ever said to me.” Hyunjae says after he’s done laughing. ****

Jacob blinks for a few seconds, letting the words sink in, before huffing at Hyunjae. The blonde looks away from Hyunjae’s grin and looks in front of him where the sun is starting to rise. Hyunjae does the same, choosing to gaze at the pinks in the sky instead of the pink in Jacob’s cheeks. ****

“Well, you can’t blame me. People aren’t usually just on fire, you know.” Jacob mumbles defensively as he crosses his arms together. ****

For a second time, Hyunjae laughs. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” He reassures, purposely knocking shoulders with the blonde to stop the frown from forming on his face. “It’s just fun to think about.” ****

Hyunjae is successful in stopping Jacob from frowning, but he can’t stop the questioning tilt Jacob’s head does next. “The past?” ****

“Not exactly,” Hyunjae hums, pausing momentarily to piece his thoughts. Jacob waits, because really, he has all the time in the world to do so. “More like how we got here.” Hyunjae finishes, finally diverting his gaze back to Jacob’s face. ****

The other man is looking back at him with an expression mixed between disbelief and curiosity, and Hyunjae wants to laugh again. ****

Instead, Hyunjae gets lost in the way the sun makes Jacob’s blonde hair platinum and how his facial features brighten up in the sunlight. The hints of blue in his brown irises become lighter, and Hyunjae is unable to stop staring at the gentle waves in Jacob’s eyes. ****

“So like, our past.” Jacob’s head tilts from side to side as if he’s debating the idea in his head, but says it like a statement. 

“Basically,” Hyunjae confirms, “How we met, where we are now, stuff like that.” 

Jacob’s eyes widen a little in curiosity, but before the blonde can take the chance to ask Hyunjae about his thoughts, their conversation is cut short at the sound of a shrill screech. ****

Both of their heads whip behind them, and Hyunjae is already summoning his sword into his hand. ****

Just as expected, the sight of two creatures, one smaller and one bigger, greets the two with malicious intentions. Nothing Hyunjae hasn’t seen before, but still, Hyunjae can feel his muscles preemptively turn sore. ****

Hyunjae wills a curl of flames to run up his sword and starts charging forward, slashing the creatures at every chance he gets. ****

“Why’d you even help me that day?” Jacob asks casually as Hyunjae jumps back at a forward swipe by the creature’s hand. ****

Hyunjae exploits the brief moment that the creature takes to stand up straight again and unleashes a flurry of sword swings to knock the creature off its feet. Only then does he take a short second to look back at Jacob, who is ever so concentrated at aiming his arrow properly at the other creature, with an incredulous expression on his face. ****

He looks back at the creature who struggles to get back up and almost feels bad for what he’s about to do. 

“Wouldn’t I be wrong to let you defeat that creature on your own?” Hyunjae replies, a inquisitive tone painting his voice. He quickly dashes behind the creature and before the creature can turn around, Hyunjae drives his blade into the ground, causing a circle of flames to erupt from the ground around him. ****

Successfully, the creature is knocked up into the air, giving Jacob the perfect angle to strike an arrow into the middle of the creature. The creature turns to dust before it hits the ground. ****

“Not really,” Jacob answers, releasing the grip he has on his bow and lowering his arms to look down at Hyunjae from the pillar of water he created earlier. “The apocalypse is technically every man for themselves. You could’ve left me alone.” ****

The words ring in Hyunjae’s head as he lets go of his weapon. He could’ve looked away from the fight and continued his trek to nowhere, but that would be making the same mistake twice. ****

“I guess I just wanted to.” Hyunjae opts to say instead of divulging his thoughts. ****

Jacob doesn’t prod further and descends from his make-shift pillar. “Thank you, then.” The blonde says with a tiny smile on his face. ****

“I know,” Hyunjae beams back. He watches as Jacob gets closer but makes no move to back away. He simply waits until Jacob gets close enough to brush ashes out of his brown hair.

“You told me already though.” Hyunjae adds once Jacob takes a step back. The two are still looking into each other’s eyes, and neither of them make a move to carry on with their journey just yet. ****

“I know,” Jacob echos. The smile on the blonde’s face grows as Hyunjae’s own lips start to curl into a smile. “I just felt like reminding you again.” Jacob shrugs, finally turning around to go back to the spot he was in before the creatures encountered them— right by Hyunjae’s side. ****

Hyunjae watches as Jacob dramatically opens his arms to gesture to the empty roads in front of them, smiles getting bigger and bigger. ****

“Shall we continue?” 

**————————**

_“What now?” The stranger asks, looking at Hyunjae with a suspicious expression written on his face. One hand is still defensively holding onto his bow, and the other is holding the cut on his other arm._

_Instead of answering right away, Hyunjae opens his backpack. He can feel the eyes of the blonde on him as he rumages through the contents inside. It doesn’t take long however, for Hyunjae to finally retrieve a roll of bandages._

_“If you’ll let me.” Hyunjae replies. The obvious question lingers in the air, but Hyunjae waits for a reply until deciding his next move._

_The stranger doesn’t respond, but instead, lets go of his weapon, effectively making it disappear. Hyunjae hesitantly takes a step forward, and when they don’t take a step back, Hyunjae knows their answer._

_Gingerly, the blonde lets go of his wound and presents the cut to Hyunjae. His eyes run over the forearm of the stranger, and thankfully, finds that the cut wasn’t too deep. In a few, short minutes, Hyunjae has the gash securely wrapped up._

_He takes a step back, allowing the stranger his space as he haphazardly throws the gauze back into his backpack._

_“You’re going to have to replace the bandages after a while.” Hyunjae notes, letting his arms hang by his sides as he watches the stranger use the water he possesses to wash his own blood off his hands._

_“Do I look like I have bandages?” The blonde snipes. The tone is harsh around the edges, but Hyunjae catches the hidden regret in his voice. He didn’t have the chance to grab any._

_Impulsively, Hyunjae replies, “You can come with me then.”_

_The guarding expression on the stranger’s face immediately changes into one of surprise. Almost comically, the blonde’s eyes widen at Hyunjae, who simply looks back with neutral expression._

_Truthfully, Hyunjae is being incredibly stupid. He, inviting a complete stranger to accompany him on his path of trying to survive for as long as possible— he was asking for a death wish. Still, what has been done cannot be undone, and he simply waits for a response._

_The embarrassing face they were making registers in the stranger’s head, and ends up looking away as their furrows eyebrows together._

_“I’m Jacob.”_

_Hyunjae almost doesn’t catch the quiet voice of the stranger— Jacob— but when the realization finally sets in, Hyunjae is equally as shocked as Jacob earlier that he is accepting his offer._

_“If we’re going to be travelling together, it’d be easier if we knew each other’s names.” Jacob adds exasperatedly. He finally looks in Hyunjae’s direction, crossing his arms together as he reads the surprise and confusion on Hyunjae’s face._

_“Hyunjae. My name is Hyunjae.” He quickly says before the moment passes and it gets too awkward._

_Jacob nods in response, and it’s the start of something new._

**————————**

For lunch, they rob a grocery store.

They were lucky enough to even stumble across something remotely similar to a grocery store. Yet, it seemed like the heavens above were rooting for their survival, giving them an almost full store, full of food to be stolen. ****

Hyunjae went straight for the endless aisles while Jacob grabbed his own basket and daringly went to the produce section. He didn’t want to take any chances with rotten vegetables so he left Jacob on his own. ****

Thankfully though, Jacob finds Hyunjae a little later. 

“Is it technically robbing if there are no laws anymore?” Jacob asks as he walks up to him. Hyunjae himself is busy checking the expiry date on a box of cereal. It’s meaningless to do so— Hyunjae gave up with keeping track of the days of the week after the first— but the brunette does it anyway. Ultimately, he throws the box into the basket. ****

“By definition, no.” Hyunjae replies. He turns his head to look at what Jacob put into his own basket. A couple of suspiciously good looking apples, a bag of baby carrots, and some Asian pears. “Robbing is by force, but stealing and robbing are still synonyms.” ****

It’s a stretch to say what they were doing was grocery shopping, but if Hyunjae pretends hard enough, he can imagine other people in the store, buying food for their own pantries at home. It feels good to feel normal, even if it’s just for a little while. ****

“Nice,” Jacob grins, his entire facial features brightening up. “It feels a lot cooler if we are committing crimes.” ****

Hyunjae laughs as he picks up another box of cereal. This time, a different brand with dried strawberries included. “Who would’ve thought, Mr. Jacob ‘I volunteered at animal shelters and helped old ladies across the street’ Bae likes to commit crimes.” 

Jacob laughs along with him. “You make past-me sound like an angel or something.” ****

After Hyunjae drops the second box of cereal into his basket, he looks up at Jacob, who has a playful light in his eyes and a surprising addition of chocolate wafer cereal in his own basket. ****

“Were you not?” Hyunjae jokes, nudging his elbow onto Jacob’s sides, causing the shorter man to glare at the brunette for knocking him off balance. Hyunjae simply smiles in response. ****

“Not exactly.” Jacob huffs, seemingly upset for being underestimated in such a way. Though, the glint in his eyes turning more amused than playful betrays him. “I used to sneak out from home all the time to go busking with my best friend.” ****

Hyunjae snorts and directs the pair into the snacks aisle. More than half of the things on the shelves may have expired already, but there’s no reason not to kill a few more hours just scavenging in the grocery store. ****

“Sneaking out to go busking is nowhere near criminal.” Hyunjae responds. He simultaneously picks up a box of Choco Pies, wondering if they’re still good inside. ****

“Still, my parents would be so mad when they found out.” Jacob continues. He pauses to laugh at Hyunjae, who opened the Choco Pie box to a rotten smell, much to his dismay. “They hated when I disobeyed them, but somehow, he always had an excuse for me.” ****

Hyunjae eyebrows slowly start to rise at this. Not at the story, but the unknown person in the story Jacob is talking about. Jacob picks up the curiosity with one look at his face, and suddenly, an expression Hyunjae doesn’t know how to describe crosses the blonde’s face. ****

The two are left in a bit of a staring contest. The brunette tries his best to read the look on Jacob’s face and catches the ocean in the blonde’s eyes turning royal blue. Hyunjae nonverbally asks Jacob if he wants to talk about it and Jacob sighs. ****

“My best friend— his name was Kevin,” Jacob starts, voice getting softer. “We met in elementary school and grew up together” ****

Hyunjae thinks back to the friendships he left behind. Nameless faces appear in his head but they’re all out of his grasp. If he had more time, he could’ve said goodbye. ****

Or perhaps the signs were clear to Hyunjae, and he chose to ignore them instead. His friends suddenly cancelling their hangouts and the news advising everyone to stay inside because of the bad energy outside— Hyunjae could’ve done something. Instead, he ran like a coward when the creatures landed their first attack. ****

“How was he?” Hyunjae asks. He tears his gaze away from the blonde and lets his hand ghost over the snacks on the shelves while waiting for a response. ****

“He was amazing. He had such a pure soul and was simply everything you could ask for in a best friend. Selfless, kind, caring, funny.” Jacob replies. Hyunjae can practically hear the smile in his voice. Yet still, Hyunjae hates how he knows exactly where this is going. ****

Hyunjae lets out a hum to let Jacob know he’s still listening when suddenly, an empty chuckle makes its way out of Jacob’s mouth. The brunette’s body starts to feel unreasonably tense. ****

“He,” Jacob's tone tightens up, “was.” and then he pauses unexpectedly. 

Hyunjae should turn around and ask the other man if he’s okay. Instead, he is left unable to stop staring at the assortment of chocolates on the shelf, too scared to look at the blonde, or maybe, too scared of himself. ****

“What happened?” Hyunjae asks quietly. He can hear Jacob shuffling around beside him, but doesn’t dare to look at his right. 

“He ended up dying while protecting another friend of ours.” ****

Hyunjae’s breath hitches in his throat and his hand freezes from grabbing the bag of dark chocolates on the shelf. Even though he guessed that the story would end that way from the beginning, Hyunjae still feels his entire body run cold at the confirmation. ****

Deaths were common in an apocalyptic world. It should be something _normal_ to Hyunjae at this point. Yet, he feels uneasy inside. The memory of his parents death still doesn’t sit well in him, and the grief he suffered from months ago threatens to claw its way back into Hyunjae’s head. He wonders if Jacob is going through the same thing, or maybe even worse. ****

Suddenly, he gets pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of boxes being knocked over. Hyunjae’s hands finally start moving again and he grabs the bag of dark chocolates before snapping his head towards the sound. ****

There, Jacob is trying to put all the boxes of Pocky back onto the shelf with an apologetic expression on his face. Despite how amusing it looks, Hyunjae easily pushes down the urge to crack a smile and moves to help the blonde instead. ****

The two are left in silence while they pick the boxes up from the ground. He wants to say something, but nothing good enough pops up in his head. What is he supposed to say? ****

Both Hyunjae and Jacob allow the awkward silence to hang in the air. Until after a short moment, their eyes meet while crouching down to get another box and Hyunjae has to stop a gasp from escaping his mouth at the sight. ****

Jacob’s eyes are blue, not dissimilar to when he’s in a fight. Except this time, they are not in any sort of combat. Jacob’s eyes are just striking, navy blue for a reason Hyunjae doesn’t know. The flow of water in the blonde’s irises are different in each eye and Hyunjae wants to ask why. ****

“You’re staring.” Jacob mumbles first, beating Hyunjae in being the one who breaks the silence. ****

Hyunjae blinks thrice before finally answering. “So are you.” He points out. A little huff escapes Jacob’s lips as he picks up the final box and places it back onto the shelf. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Hyunjae adds a beat after he gets up from crouching. “I bet he was awesome to be around.” 

Jacob stands up straight alongside him and beams at Hyunjae with a smile that just barely reaches his eyes. “Thanks.” The reply he gets sounds more for the blonde himself than Hyunjae, but the brunette doesn’t pay much attention to it. ****

Instead of pressing more questions, Hyunjae picks up his own basket and gestures for Jacob to follow him before he walks out of the snack aisle. ****

Again, it’s silent between them as the pair walk to the frozen food section of the grocery store. However, unlike before, the silence is a comforting one and the one that usually blankets over the two. They absentmindedly open bags of frozen peas and corn to check if the contents inside are still edible, both stuck in their own thoughts. ****

“I just regret not doing anything.” Jacob says out loud all of a sudden. Hyunjae’s eyebrows furrow downwards and turns his head to look at Jacob as the words register in his head. They are familiar to him, but he never would’ve expected it to come out of Jacob’s mouth instead of his. The entire conversation was unexpected, so maybe Hyunjae will give the blonde that. ****

“Could you have done something?” Hyunjae asks. However, he doesn’t know if it’s for him, or for Jacob. ****

The other man takes a moment to think of a response. Hyunjae picks up another bag of peas and patiently waits, eyes never leaving the blonde’s face. ****

“Thinking back at the situation, probably not.” He starts while turning his head to face Hyunjae as well. “But that doesn’t mean the guilt won’t eat me up alive though.” ****

You and me both, Hyunjae thinks as he looks at the tiny, shy smile that’s starting to form on Jacob’s face. ****

“We’ll get through it together then.” Hyunjae replies. ****

The smile on Jacob’s face gets bigger, and Hyunjae realizes that he admitted to feeling the same way as Jacob by accident through his response. For some reason though— this time at least— Hyunjae feels the weight on his shoulders lighten just a little. ****

He nods in response to Jacob’s smile and that conversation ends there, for now. 

**————————**

_“When did you get your vision?”_

_Hyunjae looks up from the mini grill he set up with his fire powers and tilts his head quizzically at Jacob, trying to figure out what prompted the question._

_The blonde just sits there, slowly chewing on the corn they stole from a farm they passed by as he waits for a response._

_Hyunjae debates whether or not to tell the truth. Was it okay to share your internal suffering with a stranger you met barely two weeks ago? Maybe in the past, no, Hyunjae thinks. But today is nothing like the past we lived in before._

_“It was given to me just a few minutes before my parents died.” Hyunjae replies, looking back down at his own cob of corn that’s been slowly grilling with the help of his flammable sword._

_Jacob takes a moment to respond, and Hyunjae simply waits while regretting his decision to tell the truth. “Oh, sorry about that.”_

_“It’s fine.” Hyunjae quickly blurts out, trying to get this conversation over with as fast as possible. “Everyone is dying so it shouldn’t bother me that much.”_

_Hyunjae doesn’t dare to look up from his food. Jacob is silent, and he wonders if he said too much. Should he have said something else in lieu of the truth? Did he tick Jacob off in a way? They’ve only known each other for a few weeks, from strangers to whatever their relationship is now, and Hyunjae doesn’t know how to feel about it._

_“You can talk to me about it whenever you’re ready, alright?”_

_Jacob’s voice snaps Hyunjae out of his thoughts. In surprise, he raises his head and looks at Jacob. The kindest expression is on the other man’s face. If he concentrates hard enough, Hyunjae can catch the empathy and understanding hidden in the blonde’s expression. And for the first time, he sees a glint of blue in the normally brown eyes of the blonde. Hyunjae wonders if Jacob has been hurt before._

_Instead, he nods, not trusting his words at the moment._

**————————**

When the sun starts falling west, Hyunjae finds a beach. ****

There are stars in Jacob’s eyes when Hyunjae points out his discovery, and so the pair make their way down to the water. ****

Hyunjae watches as Jacob excitedly runs towards the edge of the water with an endearing smile on his face. The sand is soft to walk on and Hyunjae remembers his past. ****

Simply, the apocalypse is terrifying.

Not in a million years did Hyunjae think that he’d end up here, fighting for his survival by killing whatever creature blocks his way, stealing food in abandoned stores and sleeping in alleyways. ****

Life was weird in that way, Hyunjae thinks as he sits down on the sand next to Jacob. Past Hyunjae would have laughed if he was told that he would be given fire powers and had to fight for his life. Present Hyunjae would laugh too, except maybe in a more accepting tone. ****

Hyunjae wonders where he’d be if the creatures never existed and never landed on earth. And then he wonders where he’d be if he hadn’t ended up with Jacob Bae in his current future. ****

Maybe in another life, they could meet under better circumstances and become good friends. Instead, Hyunjae met the stranger who needed help in a fight, who turned out to be an old university student studying music that loves small animals and feels at home by the water. ****

Even still, Jacob is an enigma to Hyunjae. Despite the months they’ve spent by each other’s side, there’s so much that he doesn’t know about the blonde. Much that Hyunjae plans on learning. ****

“Are you happy?” Hyunjae asks, looking at Jacob who’s gazing into the ocean with an indecipherable expression on his face. ****

“Like, in general?” Jacob asks back, head tilting just slightly in confusion. “Or right now?” ****

“Right now,” Hyunjae clarifies. He leans backwards and fully lies onto the sand. The granules that’ll get in his hair will bother him later, but for now, Hyunjae allows himself to relax with the sound of the lapping waves. ****

“Right now,” Jacob repeats. The blonde puts a finger at his chin and makes a dramatic show of thinking about his answer. Hyunjae stares as the descending sun casts a low light upon Jacob, bringing out the deepest colours of blue in his eyes and the lightest strands of Jacob’s blonde hair. ****

“I think I’m happy right now.” is Jacob’s answer, and Hyunjae hums in response. He thinks about his own answer for his question and proceeds to get lost in his thoughts once again. ****

Is he happy right now? Is he happy with where he is now, and what happened in the past. Then again, what exactly is his definition of happiness? ****

“Stick with me, will you.” Jacob jokes. He maneuvers himself to lie down on Hyunjae’s stomach. ****

Hyunjae knows Jacob is talking about the sudden conversation Hyunjae prompted before going back to his own thoughts, but he thinks about the other months to come— the possibility of this apocalypse dragging out for years until Hyunjae finally allows his soul to move on. Either way, his answer is the same. ****

“Yeah, I will.” 

**Author's Note:**

> side notes  
> \- the visions/power orb things are inspired by genshin impact >:D  
> \- i wrote this fic thinking they were in the east canada (jacob's hometown) travelling down to west us  
> \- how the creatures look are up to your imagination!! (in my head they were just sharp black blobs that were scary looking ..)  
> \- Im So Sorry Kevin
> 
> a quick thank you to the mods of this ficfest :D i had a great time writing this fic. i hope you all, the readers, enjoyed this fic as much as i did too


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